Saturday 20 October 2018

Day in the life of a employed, self employed, uni student and workaholic

I want to be busy. I love it in fact. I don't love getting up at 6.30am Monday-Friday busy, but I cannot sit and just be still. I did that once; a bank holiday weekend where my mum and sister were away and my barely says a word ever brother sat in his room on whatever console he has, for 3 days straight. I have a very minute amount of friends to do anything with, so I stayed inside for 72 hours. It killed me. 
My day goes like this:6.30am: up, refresh emails, check my Simpsons tapped out game (obsessed) and get ready for work.
8am-4pm: go to work, work, come home from work.
Break and lunch: check emails every two minutes and plan social media posts (once again, obsessed).
4pm-late: uni work (either a two week discussion forum to contribute to each night, or a lengthy report to write up and cry over), emails, emails, blog work, emails, instagram edit, invoicing, emails.OR 4pm: rush to get changed, hair and makeup4.30pm: head to an event for the evening only to return at 10/11pm knackered

It may sound simple enough, but I assume you it is not. Two years ago I had just started my full time job. I was so worried about paying for my car that I didn't quit my weekend job either. That place took the mick each week and despite my clear bad health to the point I would cry in pain during my break (if they even let me have one) and have to beg to use the loo. My day job seemed like heaven for 5 days at this point. I still attended events in the evenings, got up at 6.30 the next day, and every single day for two months straight. I would work 6-8 hours on the weekends until my body ached and I was sick. My mum was concerned and came out with the 'you're burning the candle at both ends' metaphor which has stuck with me and been my voice of reason when I need to slow down. 
My self employed blogger person is so very grateful for the oppotunities that I get and am invited to, that saying no would seem like the worst thing I could do. Even now if I get an invite to anywhere I'll be visibly gutted if it's during work time and apologize hugly to the brand or PR. If I were to ever give any of it up, this would be the seemingly easiest thing to do, but it's not. I have to work because I need money. I have to go to uni because I'll never get that job I want without it. I want to be fully self employed more than anything, but it's not that easy. 
Sometimes I wonder what the conversation would be if I were to ring up an old schoolmate and talk about where I am now, in a very up my bum showing off kind of way. To hear my boyfriend telling his pals about my blog in a proud way is just everything. I spend my weekends with him now, at the pub on a Friday night with his mates, having a date night or a day movie watching on the sofa. I'm still always waiting for that email to come in or a post idea to come to light, but I think to switch life off, you need to find something (or someone) that fills every inch of joy that those things bring, all at once. I think I've got it now. 
I'll continue to be busy for the foreseeable future. It's not where I want to be, but until someone donates a large sum to my cause, there's not much else to it. 


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