Anxiety of a Londoner

 

I like London. It's diverse, from the people itself to the different feelings from different places. Shoreditch feels new and cool, whilst South Ken is uber classy and a rich person's paradise. I only ever choose to shoot photos in London for this reason, and it's a capital city, so a must see. 

I don't however like a few bits and bobs. Such as:

1. The constant dread of some terrorist driving over you on the pavement, or weilding a knife around like they're cutting a steak. 

2. The slow paced movements of tourists. 

3. The underground. 

I think I'll pause the list to have a tube chat for a second. It is one of the worst things about traveling to and from London. The positives are that it's 'quick', getting you anywhere in the city, and there's one every few minutes. I have sat on many tubes stuck in many tunnels because there are too many trains built up ahead of it. I literally pray to God the minute those doors close that the woman on the speaker comes on like "the next station is..." because I'll know that slowing down is warranted, and not to sit in a black hole for ages. Recently, my friend stated that in the middle of the day, when trains are reduced and a build up less likely, that she was stuck there for a good 7/8 minutes with the lights flashing on and off. 10 Seconds is a long time. Never mind 8 minutes. The second it happens my back feels like someone is pouring hot water down it. My brain feels like it can burst any second and any music or coat MUST come off because I can't have unnecessary things touching me. 

I've never had a full blown panic attack. Tears wise, in this situation. Even on the overground when we stop for a few minutes to let the trains change over or another train start its journey because ours is a bit early, it'll start. At least on the overground I can call my mum and ask her to remember me for years to come. Sometimes. 

I've recently found a tube map which shows the tunnels throughout London. I then used this to come from the East, all the way around to the West. 2 hours of busses and trains, rather than an hour and a bit of near to heart attacks underground. I've never been this bad in my life. Always claustrophobic and stopping did panic me, but never to this extent. And I doubt it'll change either. So I'm embracing it. Planning ahead the day before using the CityMapper app, and checking train status an hour before I leave. I'm happy to get up a little early to leave sooner, to get that slower (ish) train. I've never tried the busses before like I have recently. Most Central London ones are the newer ones too, v swish. 

http://content.tfl.gov.uk/tube-map-with-tunnels.pdf

I think my main point out of the ramble is that London scares the crap out of me for different reasons. The biggest one may have just been given a solution. You'll just know if you're not ok and something needs to change. I did.

Photography by Stacey White Photography